Slimming World

I got a leaflet for slimming world through the door.

I worked out that I could have paid between £150-£200 if I'd have been going for the last 8 months since I started had a healthier way of life.

Feeling pretty pleased that I've managed it on my own.

Now, what are the chances of my husband letting me spend that £150 on something pretty?

The good, the bad & the ugly

It's been near-enough 8 months since I turned my life round. Gone are the days of 2 - 3 takeaways a week, not eating my 5-a-day and generally ignoring my weight.

I've been looking back over my journey this week mainly because I had a bad evening on Tuesday. I had been so good all day until it came to giving my son his dinner. I was feeling a bit peckish so ate a packet of crisps. Then it was like there was a voice saying "eat everything you can". I didn't stop - I had such a massive binge. I think it was the worst since I began this journey. I ate an extra days worth of calories just in snacky food.

I woke up on Wednesday and knew that i had to face the facts. I still tracked what I ate which means I acknowledge that I over ate. But I knew that I was heading for a down-turn emotionally if I didn't do something. My husband let me have a lie-in, which I took. I guess I was trying to delay getting up and facing up to myself & what I'd done. I tried to forget about it for most of the day to be honest. In the evening I made myself go to the gym. It was a struggle and I didn't really want to go (especially as I'd not been for over 2 weeks). But I knew that I HAD to.

During the evening after I got back from the gym, I kept thinking about why I get like that with food. I can't describe the feeling other than an insatiable want/need for food. I decided to read all my blog entries. I am so glad I did. I noticed that I get this insatiable feeling every 3-4 weeks. It was nice to read about how excited I got when I lost 12lb and other little weight loss goals & non-scale victories. It made me think about what I have actually achieved. If I'd given up at every binge then I wouldn't have lost over 4.5 stones. I also found it good to read my little sayings/quotes. These sorts of things inspire me and I could feel myself getting stronger. Im
Always too harsh with myself for falling off the wagon. Some people say to
Chill out and don't be so hard on myself. This is true, I get so cross & upset by what I've done and what I need to do is accept what's happened and move forward. Having said that, I'm actually quite reassured by the fact I get so upset because this tells me that I care about my health & weight. If I was giving up it wouldn't bother me, I'd never write in my blog about it and i wouldn't track what I ate.

By the time I went to bed I new I was re-focused and ready to correct the bad choices I'd made earlier in the week. Today I have done lots of exercise and eaten well.



I'm the week my husband went shopping and bought back 2 massive bags full of food. I don't know where it came from, but I had a great idea. I bought in our weighing scales and put each bag on to see how much they weighed. They worked out to be about 3st 11lb. I held one back in each hand and walked around my kitchen. It was very pleasing to know that I had lost more weight than I was carrying. I was shocked at how difficult it was. My heart must have been under an immense amount of pressure. I felt so much healthier (and proud) after that.

I'm feeling confident tonight that I will reach my next goal of losing 4lb by the end of Sept. I shall then be rewarded by going to see Michael McIntyre at the O2....Yay! So fingers crossed for a loss this week.

I cannot say thank you enough to everyone who supports me. Whether it be phone, text, on here, Facebook, or in person. You have given me the strength to carry on and finish what I started xx

Feeling fat

Been having quite a difficult week at the moment. Been feeling quite low as well but not sure if that's a consequence of putting on weight this week, or I put on weight because I was feeling low - vicious circle.

On Saturday I went to a BBQ. Very stupidly I weighed on Sunday morning. It said I'd put on 2lb. Then throughout the day I thought i may as well eat lots coz I'd already put on weight. In true vicious circle form, I then felt really bad for eating more and then started to eat more. Argh!!!! Why is it so flippin hard sometimes?

On Monday I weighed in and for the week I'd only put on 1lb. This made me feel even worse. I just kept thinking that if I hadn't eaten that choccy Philly straight from the tub, or that extra Halloumi I may have stayed the same. Since Monday I have felt pretty low. Monday was difficult food wise because we went to London for the day as we had an annual appointment. I ate more than I should have but to be honest I didn't care.

Yesterday & today (Wednesday) I have managed to stick to my calorie goal but it's been very difficult, especially yesterday. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to raid the kitchen cupboards yesterday.

I have not been to the gym since Friday either as I just don't want to. But at the same time I know that I must go because it's making such a difference to my health & life.

I said to a friend that sometimes I feel a bit schizophrenic. I said it light-heartedly and it may sound odd, but I can't think of a better way to explain that some days I feel so strong & motivated and other days I just can't be bothered. The good thing is that the majority of my days & weeks I feel strong.

The other problem I'm having is that I feel really fat. That's probably because i am. Even though I have lost approx 4.5 stones I'm still classified as obese. I'm still fat....that is a fact. Sometimes it can be disheartening to know that even though I've lost so much already I'm still covered in fat and medically classed as obese. When you lose a lot of weight you very quickly forget how it felt to be bigger and even what you looked like. Photos help to some degree but not a lot.

I just feel like I've hit a bit of a brick wall and I feel like I'm losing control. I know that there is know way I'm going back to how i used to be. I guess I just going to have to dig deep and get on with it.

Eat less & move more! it's not rocket science (but it feels like it sometimes)

My fat facts

I just thought that I'd write down some facts about what I've achieved so far.

21/8/12
Percentage of original body weight lost: 26.29%
Calories burned: 231,000
BMI points dropped: 11.72
Time: 33 weeks
Weeks gained weight: 2
Weeks stayed the same: 2
Weeks lost weight: 29
Percentage of 8st goal lost: 58.92%


03/09/12
Percentage of original body weight lost: 27.88%
Calories burned: 245,000
BMI points dropped: 12.43
Time: 35 weeks
Weeks gained weight: 2
Weeks stayed the same: 3
Weeks lost weight: 30
Percentage of 8st goal lost: 62.5%

08/10/12
Percentage of original body weight lost: 29.88%
Calories burned: 262,500
BMI points dropped: 13.32
Time: 40 weeks
Weeks gained weight: 2
Weeks stayed the same: 5
Weeks lost weight: 33
Percentage of 8st goal lost: 66.96%

05/11/12
Percentage of original body weight lost: 32.27%
Calories burned: 280,000
BMI points dropped: 14.21
Time: 44 weeks
Weeks gained weight: 2
Weeks stayed the same: 6
Weeks lost weight: 36
Percentage of 8st goal lost: 71.43%

Little black dress

These are three little words that I used to dread.

I used to read in magazines about how every woman should have a little black dress (LBD) in their wardrobe. I used to envy people who could wear a simple black dress. Be it a short, smart or maxi.

To be honest it didn't have to be little or black. The only dress I felt good in was my wedding dress which I wore over 4 years ago. I've bought a couple of dresses since then. But the problem when you're on the larger side is......,chaffing. It's such a painful problem. I've known people who have wanted to wear a dress but wore shorts underneath to stop this, or put on loads of talc. This, and the fact that I felt like a whale, is the reason I don't do dresses......


......until today! I am so happy I can't even begin to describe it to you. A very lovely friend gave me a dress and I've just tried it on. It's a black maxi dress and a size 14. It's gorgeous and it's fits! Plus I feel comfortable in it. Feeling comfortable is such a major thing when it comes to dresses.

Today I feel totally normal and absolutely amazing!

The aftermath of a holiday

At the moment I'm in that horrible place when you've just had a holiday in the last few weeks and you've got to get back on track.

I've been back from holiday for 2 weeks now. I've not been back to the gym yet, although in the last couple of days I have been for some walks. I'm def going to go back to the gym this coming week though. I've had lots of stuff going on, but that's no excuse not to carry on. I could have done exercise at home, but I've just been lazy. It's so easily done.

Last week I lost 1lb which I'd put on whilst on holiday. But this was a sheer fluke. I've not been eating very healthily and was lucky to have a loss. But I've been much better this week, although not brilliant. I'm really hoping for a loss this week.

I've got a goal for the next 2 weeks.....to lose 3lbs. This would mean I'd have lost 60lbs total and that I'd be the smallest weight I can remember being as an adult. Then after loosing those 3lbs my next goal is to lose another 10lbs and I'd have hit a really amazing point in my journey. Its a weight that i've dreamt about for years. I've never written how much I weigh in this blog because it's quite a big thing to admit how much you weigh & used to weigh at your biggest. I've not made any firm decisions yet, but thinking that it may help to say how much i used to weigh with trying to keep the weight off. My journey isn't over when I've lost the weight and I think maintaining a healthy weight & diet will be the hardest part.

At the moment I can fit into 14/16 clothes. I still can't believe it. When I buy a size 14, part of me thinks that there must be a mistake with that item.

Having been losing weight for just over 28 weeks now and I still look at myself and am able to see that I still have a long way to go. I can see how far I've come too, but I know that if I can just carry on then I will look & feel even better.

Thankfully I have no more holidays booked for this year so now I've just got to get to Christmas. I wonder how much more I can lose before then?

My Holiday

glut·ton·ous

   /ˈglʌtnəs/ Show Spelled[gluht-n-uhs] 

adjective

1. tending to eat and drink excessively; voracious.

2. greedy; insatiable.

This pretty much sums up my holiday.

I went on holiday with my husband, son, and in-laws to Swanage for 8 days. We were hoping for a nice seaside holiday with lots of playing on the beach, walks and cycling (my husband and I took our bikes). However the British weather had other ideas.

The first day we got there my husband and I went out for a 30 min bike ride. Swanage was very hilly but I carried on. My bike has got rubbish gears so even in the lowest I find myself struggling. But I kept saying "If I don't faint, puke or die, just keep going." so I did. We also went out for a walk a couple of times in the evenings in the rain to get a bit more exercise. If we were just going into Swanage town we walked, only using the car for out-of-town trips. We ended up buying loads of waterproof stuff so that we could still go for walks and play in the sand.

We stayed in a self-catering apartment and managed to eat quite a bit at 'home'. But of course we were on holiday so we also ate out a few times. We went out for about 3 meals. But for meals I tried to remain as good as possible. One night we went to a fish & chip shop and I have grilled salmon instead of battered cod. But the chips were perfect and they were on my plate...so I ate all of them (and some of my son's).

The main problem was snacking. at home I rarely eat in between meals and if I do it's on low calorie things. But my husband and mother-in-law bought some chocolate fingers and once I'd had one, it was difficult to stop. Then like when I was on holiday in Centre Parcs i kept feeling 'hungry'. Internally the good me & bad me were having a real fight. In the end I decided to eat what I wanted on holiday but would return to eating better once we got home. My husband and I did have a binge on chocolate one day.

I do feel like I went a little bit crazy on holiday but have no intention of slipping back to my old ways. I've lost 4 stone and have come too far to undo all that hard work. So yesterday was my first day back to normal. I was really pleased because I didn't get that 'hungry' feeling. Weighed-in today and have put on 1 lb in the last 2 weeks. I was expecting about + 3  or 4 lb so I was actually quite pleased. This is the first time I've put on weight in 6 months so I'm not going to get down about it.

Life has it's ups & downs, it's all about how you react to it. I'm going to accept what I did and move forward.