Summer

This week has seen a massive surge in temperature. I used to dread the hot weather. To me all that meant was that I'd be constantly hot, sweaty, tired and feeling very much like a whale. I used to feel very down around summer time.

Clothes were a massive problem for me. I only ever wore my black stretchy M&S trousers. Regardless of the time of year, temperature or occasion, I wore those bloody black trousers. I hate the sight of them now because to me they represent me being morbidly obese. I remember last year going to the beach with friends and I had to roll up my black trousers just to go for a paddle in the sea. But they kept unravelling. I just remember thinking, I wish I was slimmer and had the confidence to wear cropped trousers and nice summery clothes. I used to be so jealous of other women who looked good wearing skirts, dresses, cropped trousers & summer tops.

Today I went into town and I bought 2 pairs of cropped trousers & a summery top. I am totally over the moon because they are all a size 16. At the beginning of the year I was wearing a size 22. It was so nice (and a bit weird) to look through the rail and not have to go straight to the back.

When I got home I wasn't sure if they'd fit. The top fits really nicely and the trousers were tight initially but as the evening has gone on they are now comfortable. I was so shocked that they fit. I cannot even describe how it feels to know that I could go into any high street shop and buy things. I am finally starting to feel normal.

This year I am looking forward to summer!

Temptation & holidays

This week has been tough in many ways. We went on holiday with friends to Centre Parcs. We went from Monday - Friday. We had a wonderful time but of course there was temptation after temptation. During the time we were away I ate on average 700 calories more than normal per day. I went out for dinner 3 out of 4 nights, plus we ate out for a couple of lunches. I constantly had calories & exercise in the back of my mind. The weather wasn't great either so we weren't able to do as much cycling as we wanted. On the Tuesday a friend and I did go for a little jog which I was pleased with. It was a lot more difficult jogging out in the open, compared to on a treadmill.

What I wasn't expecting was to feel more hungry as the week went on. I'd eaten more throughout the holiday and on Friday I was feeling more hungry constantly. It really felt like I'd gone backwards and had put on 3 stone to where I was at the beginning of the year. That was a bit of a wake-up call and knew that I needed to get control, especially as we had a Chinese takeaway for dinner on the Friday.

Even though I felt disappointed about giving into temptation I just kept saying the as long as I got back on it when I got home it would be ok. I realised that I was on holiday and that I had to enjoy my life & time away. After all this is a change for the rest of my life and I will go on holiday again. But this 5 day break away just showed me how easy it could be to put the weight back on.

So on Saturday morning I weighed in. I thought that there was no point waiting until Monday because if I didn't face up to the facts I would probably carry on eating rubbish over the weekend. In 5 days of holiday I had managed to put on 3 lbs. This was not good. So on Saturday I went to the gym. I had to get straight back into it in the hope of getting back to my healthy life. I did 60 mins and even attempted a little bit of jogging. I also made sure that I have been eating properly.

On Sunday I went for a little walk round a local park and fed the ducks with my husband & son. I actually found this quite a struggle. I walk round this park lots but for some reason I found it really tiring  yesterday. Then on the way home we stopped at Harvester for dinner. I was cutting it a bit close for calories by eating there. But I just had chicken & salad. What I love about Harvester is that they put the calorie next to every item on their menu, even the sauces at the salad bar. Normally I have the honey & mustard but this time I had the low-fat vinaigrette which saved me about 160 cals.

I have found that I've had a real struggle in my head about doing more exercise - I've really had to make myself do it. Plus I've still been feeling hungry a lot. But I've been filling up on fruit and no added sugar jelly pots.

This morning I weighed in again expecting to see that I'd put on again or hopefully stayed the same. But to my complete shock & delight I had lost 4 lbs since I weighed in on Saturday. I was so shocked that I had to weigh again. And yes I had lost 4 lbs! This now means that for the whole week I was on holiday I actually lost 1 lb.

Waiting for a positive result

I've been losing weight for almost 4 months now and I have consistently lost weight every week. I never thought that I would have such a good run of weight loss. Although this is wonderful and I feel amazing for having lost over 3 stones, in the back of my mind I'm waiting to put on weight. In a small way I kind of wish it would happen just to get it over with and then I can move forward. That probably sounds really weird to most of you. But I feel like the world is waiting for me to fail, after all I've never successfully lost weight before.

These feelings all started over the last few days. Some of you know I'm partial to a mid-week weigh-in (even though my sister always tells me off). So I weighed-in on Friday & Saturday. Friday I had stayed the same and Saturday I had put on 1lb. At first I was gutted, but then thinking 'at last I've put on, now I can deal with it and move forward'.

I decided to look back at my food & exercise for the week. I have come to a couple of conclusions for my week so far but they totally contradict each other. Firstly On 3 days I have eaten almost 1800 calories, normally I stick to between 1200-1500. So I have over eaten. Secondly I think that I have under eaten on other days, especially when I've been to the gym and done lots of exercise. Not eating enough calories has been a very hot topic of debate in our household. So last night I did lots research on it. I found some really good bits of information. Here's one of the pieces I found.  Eating too few calories This lead to my husband and I having a really good talk about where we're both at and how we're going to move forward. It was really good to talk to him and know that he's there to support me and listen to me waffle on.

One of the things that was worrying me was the dreaded plateau, you know that brick wall in weight loss that you just can't break through. It worries me because I've still got over 50lbs still to lose and would hate to have put in all this effort to hit that wall. Then I remembered that a personal trainer at the gym said that if I find my weight at that plateau to go back so that I can get my gym programme redone. This has made me feel better, as well as knowing that I can always talk to my husband, family & friends.

If I have put on weight this week then so be it. It's just one week out of my life.

Before & During photos

Here are several photos of me last year. As time goes on I will post photos during my weight loss so that you can actually see how I'm doing.

16 weeks on 3 stones 1 lb lighter

Sept 2012
Lost 5 stones

This is me throughout my pregnancy. The top left was taken the day before I found out I was pregnant, and the bottom right was taken 3 days before I gave birth. 

Clothes

Throughout most of my adult life I've never really liked my clothes. Being obese means that you have to buy what fits, not necessarily what you like. I've always wanted to have more of a style but it's never been easy for me. I've never been confident about my looks therefore never had the confidence to wear trendy clothes made for obese women.

This week I went to buy a few items to keep me going whilst I'm still losing weight. I bought a few tops and a pair of jeans. I got the tops 2 sizes smaller than I used to be. They are a little snug, but I'm still losing so should do good for the summer. The jeans I got 1 size smaller but now thinking that I'm actually gonna need the next size down soon. It's such a great feeling.

When I was at my heaviest I never wore jeans. I don't like the look of me in jeans when I'm that big. So when I get into jeans I feel so happy. I love wearing jeans coz their so easy. One day I'm going to throw away all my horrible M&S black trousers. They just remind my of being obese. This probably sounds silly to most people, but to me being able to wear jeans is such a big deal. I think I've had 2 periods of time in my life where I've worn jeans. The last time was when I got married (nearly 4 years ago).

The thought of being able to shop in 'normal' shops is wonderful. It used to be so horrible to go into a shop and know that there's no point even looking because they only go up to an 18/20. I always used to hate if I couldn't find the 'fat section' in a shop, coz then you'd have to ask an assistant. It bought me a lot of shame and embarrassment. So that's why I never like clothes shopping. But I think that's about to change...

Jogging on

Today at the gym I managed the following:

5 mins walk
10 mins jog
2 mins walk
8.5 mins jog
4 mins cycle
2 mins walk
5 mins jog
5 mins walk incline
2.5 mins jog
2 mins walk
5 mins jog

Total of 31 mins jogging!!!!!

5K anyone?

In 20th June I am going to take part in Race for Life. For those that don't know, this is a 5k route and you can walk, jog, run round it. It's all in aid of cancer research.

I walked this about 7 or 8 years ago and it took me over 1 hour. This time the plan is to jog/run as much as possible and complete it in under 1 hour. I've got just over 2 months to improve my running at the gym. Last night I managed to run for a total of 18 mins, which I was very pleased with. At the moment I'm doing it on my own but hopefully some friends will also be joining me.

It would be great to get donations for this charity. 2 of my grandparents suffered with cancer, my friends mum is now in remission and a friend has just got the all clear after 6 months of chemo. So I will be doing the 5K for all for of these 4 brave people. Hopefully my sponsorship money will make a difference.

If you would like to sponsor me you can visit my Just Giving sponsor page at  Race for Life - 5K