Let's start at the beginning. After my daughter was born I lost 6,11 & 2 pounds. I also stayed the same for a week and the latest weigh-in was +3lbs. I am not really sure what's going on in my head. It wouldn't surprise me if my next weigh-in is a gain of double digits. What I do know for sure is that losing weight is possibly more about getting your head right and sorting out the emotional/mental problems, than just diet & exercise.
So when I say I've been awful, I really mean it. I've binged loads, I've eaten takeaways, tubs of ice cream (yes, a whole tub just to myself...in one night). It's almost like I'm possessed sometimes. Afterwards I get so mad at myself. I just can't seem to do moderation when it comes to unhealthy food. I've noticed that I have a lack of energy too, on top of the sleepless nights that a newborn brings.
I have tried to think about why I've eaten so badly. What I have come up with are the following excuses (and let's face it, they are excuses)
1. A reward for giving birth (cause it is bloody hard work)
2. Relaxing the very strict diet that I was on due to gestational diabetes
3. Rewarding myself for bad nights when baby hasn't slept well
4. Eating convenient food when lack of time due to demands of newborn
5. Needing more calories due to breast feeding
6. The 'no one will know' thought
7. It will make me feel better
It's pretty pathetic really. I am in real jeopardy of destroying all my hard work in 2012. I cannot allow that to happen.
Mum (I know you're reading this), I'm not still in this place - do not panic!
So where am I now? Well throughout this time I've continued to watch programmes that inspire me such as Jessie Pavelka's 'Fat: The fight of my life' and also by following and reading a blog by 'weight loss bitch'. I watch these people who have more weight than me to lose and am inspired. When I watch the tv series I see some of the problems they face and remember that I used to have some of these problems. I slowly remember quite how miserable I was. I particularly find Weight Loss Bitch's blog and Facebook page very encouraging. She posts about her own journey everyday. She used to weigh over 40st and so far she has lost over 15 1/2 stones so far just with healthy eating and exercise. She is very honest about her journey, which is what I am trying to do here. I have continued to read/watch these and just been waiting for the penny to drop again and to be able to see clearly.