Thursday 30 August 2012

The good, the bad & the ugly

It's been near-enough 8 months since I turned my life round. Gone are the days of 2 - 3 takeaways a week, not eating my 5-a-day and generally ignoring my weight.

I've been looking back over my journey this week mainly because I had a bad evening on Tuesday. I had been so good all day until it came to giving my son his dinner. I was feeling a bit peckish so ate a packet of crisps. Then it was like there was a voice saying "eat everything you can". I didn't stop - I had such a massive binge. I think it was the worst since I began this journey. I ate an extra days worth of calories just in snacky food.

I woke up on Wednesday and knew that i had to face the facts. I still tracked what I ate which means I acknowledge that I over ate. But I knew that I was heading for a down-turn emotionally if I didn't do something. My husband let me have a lie-in, which I took. I guess I was trying to delay getting up and facing up to myself & what I'd done. I tried to forget about it for most of the day to be honest. In the evening I made myself go to the gym. It was a struggle and I didn't really want to go (especially as I'd not been for over 2 weeks). But I knew that I HAD to.

During the evening after I got back from the gym, I kept thinking about why I get like that with food. I can't describe the feeling other than an insatiable want/need for food. I decided to read all my blog entries. I am so glad I did. I noticed that I get this insatiable feeling every 3-4 weeks. It was nice to read about how excited I got when I lost 12lb and other little weight loss goals & non-scale victories. It made me think about what I have actually achieved. If I'd given up at every binge then I wouldn't have lost over 4.5 stones. I also found it good to read my little sayings/quotes. These sorts of things inspire me and I could feel myself getting stronger. Im
Always too harsh with myself for falling off the wagon. Some people say to
Chill out and don't be so hard on myself. This is true, I get so cross & upset by what I've done and what I need to do is accept what's happened and move forward. Having said that, I'm actually quite reassured by the fact I get so upset because this tells me that I care about my health & weight. If I was giving up it wouldn't bother me, I'd never write in my blog about it and i wouldn't track what I ate.

By the time I went to bed I new I was re-focused and ready to correct the bad choices I'd made earlier in the week. Today I have done lots of exercise and eaten well.



I'm the week my husband went shopping and bought back 2 massive bags full of food. I don't know where it came from, but I had a great idea. I bought in our weighing scales and put each bag on to see how much they weighed. They worked out to be about 3st 11lb. I held one back in each hand and walked around my kitchen. It was very pleasing to know that I had lost more weight than I was carrying. I was shocked at how difficult it was. My heart must have been under an immense amount of pressure. I felt so much healthier (and proud) after that.

I'm feeling confident tonight that I will reach my next goal of losing 4lb by the end of Sept. I shall then be rewarded by going to see Michael McIntyre at the O2....Yay! So fingers crossed for a loss this week.

I cannot say thank you enough to everyone who supports me. Whether it be phone, text, on here, Facebook, or in person. You have given me the strength to carry on and finish what I started xx

Wednesday 15 August 2012

Feeling fat

Been having quite a difficult week at the moment. Been feeling quite low as well but not sure if that's a consequence of putting on weight this week, or I put on weight because I was feeling low - vicious circle.

On Saturday I went to a BBQ. Very stupidly I weighed on Sunday morning. It said I'd put on 2lb. Then throughout the day I thought i may as well eat lots coz I'd already put on weight. In true vicious circle form, I then felt really bad for eating more and then started to eat more. Argh!!!! Why is it so flippin hard sometimes?

On Monday I weighed in and for the week I'd only put on 1lb. This made me feel even worse. I just kept thinking that if I hadn't eaten that choccy Philly straight from the tub, or that extra Halloumi I may have stayed the same. Since Monday I have felt pretty low. Monday was difficult food wise because we went to London for the day as we had an annual appointment. I ate more than I should have but to be honest I didn't care.

Yesterday & today (Wednesday) I have managed to stick to my calorie goal but it's been very difficult, especially yesterday. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to raid the kitchen cupboards yesterday.

I have not been to the gym since Friday either as I just don't want to. But at the same time I know that I must go because it's making such a difference to my health & life.

I said to a friend that sometimes I feel a bit schizophrenic. I said it light-heartedly and it may sound odd, but I can't think of a better way to explain that some days I feel so strong & motivated and other days I just can't be bothered. The good thing is that the majority of my days & weeks I feel strong.

The other problem I'm having is that I feel really fat. That's probably because i am. Even though I have lost approx 4.5 stones I'm still classified as obese. I'm still fat....that is a fact. Sometimes it can be disheartening to know that even though I've lost so much already I'm still covered in fat and medically classed as obese. When you lose a lot of weight you very quickly forget how it felt to be bigger and even what you looked like. Photos help to some degree but not a lot.

I just feel like I've hit a bit of a brick wall and I feel like I'm losing control. I know that there is know way I'm going back to how i used to be. I guess I just going to have to dig deep and get on with it.

Eat less & move more! it's not rocket science (but it feels like it sometimes)

Monday 6 August 2012

My fat facts

I just thought that I'd write down some facts about what I've achieved so far.

21/8/12
Percentage of original body weight lost: 26.29%
Calories burned: 231,000
BMI points dropped: 11.72
Time: 33 weeks
Weeks gained weight: 2
Weeks stayed the same: 2
Weeks lost weight: 29
Percentage of 8st goal lost: 58.92%


03/09/12
Percentage of original body weight lost: 27.88%
Calories burned: 245,000
BMI points dropped: 12.43
Time: 35 weeks
Weeks gained weight: 2
Weeks stayed the same: 3
Weeks lost weight: 30
Percentage of 8st goal lost: 62.5%

08/10/12
Percentage of original body weight lost: 29.88%
Calories burned: 262,500
BMI points dropped: 13.32
Time: 40 weeks
Weeks gained weight: 2
Weeks stayed the same: 5
Weeks lost weight: 33
Percentage of 8st goal lost: 66.96%

05/11/12
Percentage of original body weight lost: 32.27%
Calories burned: 280,000
BMI points dropped: 14.21
Time: 44 weeks
Weeks gained weight: 2
Weeks stayed the same: 6
Weeks lost weight: 36
Percentage of 8st goal lost: 71.43%