It's been near-enough 8 months since I turned my life round. Gone are the days of 2 - 3 takeaways a week, not eating my 5-a-day and generally ignoring my weight.
I've been looking back over my journey this week mainly because I had a bad evening on Tuesday. I had been so good all day until it came to giving my son his dinner. I was feeling a bit peckish so ate a packet of crisps. Then it was like there was a voice saying "eat everything you can". I didn't stop - I had such a massive binge. I think it was the worst since I began this journey. I ate an extra days worth of calories just in snacky food.
I woke up on Wednesday and knew that i had to face the facts. I still tracked what I ate which means I acknowledge that I over ate. But I knew that I was heading for a down-turn emotionally if I didn't do something. My husband let me have a lie-in, which I took. I guess I was trying to delay getting up and facing up to myself & what I'd done. I tried to forget about it for most of the day to be honest. In the evening I made myself go to the gym. It was a struggle and I didn't really want to go (especially as I'd not been for over 2 weeks). But I knew that I HAD to.
During the evening after I got back from the gym, I kept thinking about why I get like that with food. I can't describe the feeling other than an insatiable want/need for food. I decided to read all my blog entries. I am so glad I did. I noticed that I get this insatiable feeling every 3-4 weeks. It was nice to read about how excited I got when I lost 12lb and other little weight loss goals & non-scale victories. It made me think about what I have actually achieved. If I'd given up at every binge then I wouldn't have lost over 4.5 stones. I also found it good to read my little sayings/quotes. These sorts of things inspire me and I could feel myself getting stronger. Im
Always too harsh with myself for falling off the wagon. Some people say to
Chill out and don't be so hard on myself. This is true, I get so cross & upset by what I've done and what I need to do is accept what's happened and move forward. Having said that, I'm actually quite reassured by the fact I get so upset because this tells me that I care about my health & weight. If I was giving up it wouldn't bother me, I'd never write in my blog about it and i wouldn't track what I ate.
By the time I went to bed I new I was re-focused and ready to correct the bad choices I'd made earlier in the week. Today I have done lots of exercise and eaten well.
I'm the week my husband went shopping and bought back 2 massive bags full of food. I don't know where it came from, but I had a great idea. I bought in our weighing scales and put each bag on to see how much they weighed. They worked out to be about 3st 11lb. I held one back in each hand and walked around my kitchen. It was very pleasing to know that I had lost more weight than I was carrying. I was shocked at how difficult it was. My heart must have been under an immense amount of pressure. I felt so much healthier (and proud) after that.
I'm feeling confident tonight that I will reach my next goal of losing 4lb by the end of Sept. I shall then be rewarded by going to see Michael McIntyre at the O2....Yay! So fingers crossed for a loss this week.
I cannot say thank you enough to everyone who supports me. Whether it be phone, text, on here, Facebook, or in person. You have given me the strength to carry on and finish what I started xx
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