B.E.D

Really disappointed with myself today. Yesterday I woke up feeling a bit down. So I knew that it was going to be a difficult day food-wise - especially as hubby was working a late shift, which is notoriously bad for me. I had lots of plans to avoid me eating and all was going well until my son went to bed.

In the day I'd made some turkey meatballs to have for dinner. My son & I ate and they were lovely. There was enough left over for my husband to have some at another time too. Then at 7pm my son fell asleep and then I couldn't stop myself. I'm so ashamed of what I ate but know that one of the only ways to deal with it is to confront it. I ate all the remaining meatballs which I'd saved for my husband. So in total last night I ate 15 meatballs. I feel totally disgusted that I allow myself to gorge on such huge quantities of food. The problem is I didn't even feel full. So as the evening went on I ate more; a few packets of crisps, a satsuma ans a snack pack of mini-Oreos. I was over my 1300 daily calorie limit by 1100! I immediately felt guilty and so ashamed knowing that I shouldn't have done it. I've said it before, but its almost like my brain just says "eat everything & anything".

This binging has had me worried over the months because it happens every month at least, sometimes every fortnight. I was on the forum at My Fitness Pal a few weeks ago and noticed a thread titled 'binge eaters'. I was intrigued. The only binge eating I'd ever heard of before was bulimia. I knew I didn't have that because I never made myself sick after binging. But as I read on and then googled, I began to wonder if I have got Binge Eating Disorder (B.E.D). This website B.E.D is one of many that offers info on the disorder. Below is a small extract outlining some symptoms.

Behavioral symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating

• Inability to stop eating or control what you’re eating
• Rapidly eating large amounts of food
• Eating even when you’re full
• Hiding or stockpiling food to eat later in secret
• Eating normally around others, but gorging when you’re alone

Eating continuously throughout the day, with no planned mealtimes

At least 4 of the above apply to me. It has always felt odd that sometimes I'm happy eating my 1300
calories and to feel completely satisfied with that but other, rare days, I can't control myself. I now need to try to look at ways to change my habits.

The thing that really hit me yesterday & today is that I've not actually felt this down for a while. I know that that is why I ate so much last night. I think this time it's just linked in with my cycle, but I have other days when I binge and I'm just bored or had a stressful day.

I've had some lovely texts from friends reminding me that this has happened before and that i will
able to get through it and move forward. I know I sound like an old record but having support really does make the difference. Being open and honest throughout my journey has been, well, liberating I guess.